I reserve the right to change my mind. I do it every day, so I better keep that right alive and well. One thing that I have noticed I am evolving in, is my view on my body and how I chose to present it. A few years ago or even a few months ago, I felt more comfortable with modesty. I am not taking back what I said or felt. I still do believe that your body is your temple, God’s temple. I do not think your body should be for everyone. However, what I feel people should/can see is changing. Shoot, how I feel about my own body is changing.
My entire life I have been skinny. I am not bragging, it has not always been something I have seen as positive. I had mean, or what I felt was mean, nicknames kids would call me growing up about how little or skinny I was. I wish now that I had embraced that. I couldn’t, at the time, see how beautiful my body was and still is. I hope I can teach my daughter how beautiful she is regardless of how skinny or not skinny she is. I already know that we do not have the same body. She is bigger as a child than I was. I know we will have different experiences with our body image. She won’t hear the nicknames I did. However, I know she won’t be immune. I know children and people making fun of others never goes away.
I never felt sexy or hot. I don’t think I developed until around 22. Sure, you can laugh, but it is true. I never relied on my body for things. I realize I had the body of a 12-year-old boy for most of my life. Curves were never really my sex appeal. However, I have never really disliked my body until I got deep into my using life. When I drank I was bloated and huge. So for several years my body was this sponge. I didn’t care at the time, but then again, I didn’t care about anything. Then, I got sober, and months later I was pregnant. I gained 75 pounds when I was pregnant with Viv. Yeah, not a typo. I was fat. Not just pregnant. Fat. I ate a whole chocolate mousse pie every few days. It was a given. I was really worried I wouldn’t have enough of what my baby needed. She had more than enough, turns out.
So, fast forward to her being 3. I had tried exercising and had seen some results. By exercising I mean walk/running. No, I did not watch what I ate. I never have. That is something I struggle with, eating. There are times when I feel stress in my stomach I have no desire to eat. I have to force myself to put something in my body. I started drinking meal replacements. I am glad Young Living has one I can feel good about drinking now. I couldn’t eat unless I had thought about it and planned it. I had to look forward to it. I think a lot of my life is like that. I have to mentally prepare myself. I know some people read that and hate me. I also don’t think they understand the toll not eating can have on you. It feels painful to eat, my energy drops, depression sets in. They are all intertwined. My mental health effects everything. It is this vicious cycle.
A few months ago, I started to see a change in my body. The loose skin on my stomach was disappearing. I had given up on that happening. I truly thought I was going to have to have a tummy tuck. So many of my friends were having their boobs done. Everything I thought I was against I was considering. I didn’t want to be the baggy saggy elephant my entire life. I wanted to feel good about myself. I always prided myself on being natural, authentic. When I caught myself considering surgery, I realized I was wrong. I needed to adjust my views. Yes, I admit it, I was wrong. Now I feel that if surgery will help you feel good, confident, better about your overall image, do it. This should be for you and your own feelings, not for someone else.
Thankfully, my body did it for me. I don’t know if it is my healthier life style or more active lifestyle that has started to change my body or just some weird coincidence, but it is different. I am different. I stood in the shower and looked down to see my wrinkly tummy was a little less wrinkly. My skin elasticity was back! Awesome. Now, things are not perfect, but I felt this immediate relief wash over me. But, it isn’t just about how I looked, I FELT better. I felt less clunky in my movements. I felt less squishy. I do not have a model body or a beach body anyone is coveting. One boob is still noticeably bigger than the other. Yeah, I said it. Maybe I will get a boob job one day. Who knows.
My point in all this? It is your body. I think being respectful of both yourself and others in your dress is important. Know your audience. Where you are going should dictate what you wear. However, this is also just my opinion. To me, though, if you are at the beach or by the water, wear a swimsuit. If you caught a big fish and are super proud of it, don’t spend the time putting on a cover up, just take the picture. Post it, don’t post it. At the end of the day, people will judge you for whatever choice you make. God did make your body and He made it gloriously beautiful, lopsided boob and all. (Yes, you can tell. I know you all are looking now. I am ok with it. I still think I look great.) So, every body is a beach body. Be proud of who you are. Make as healthy decisions for you and feel good about it!
For me, running, oils and overall liking myself has changed so much! I know those are the reasons I feel and look so great. So, you may think I am cold because I am too skinny or need to eat a cheeseburger. Well, let’s go get that cheeseburger. I will tell you how great I feel about my body. It isn’t all about my bass, I know I don’t have one of those, but it is about the whole package. I feel great, therefore I look great. You don’t need curves to be hot and you don’t need to be a size 2. We are all hot. So, to me let’s all tell each other how beautiful we are for our differences.