longer want to just exist and get by I want to know what this Earth has for me. Last year was truly the hardest year to stay sober since I started in this sober life. I rationally knew that drinking was not the answer, but I still wanted to. I wanted to do something to fix how I felt. So I drove away. I drove to the gas station and sat in the parking lot. I wanted to walk in and get a 6 pack of beer and go to the beach. I didn’t do that. I walked in and got a pack of cigarettes and immediately regretted wasting that money. I didn’t want them. I didn’t know what I wanted. I couldn’t break away from a sadness that lingered after an argument. I started to wonder why we were even fighting. What was I mad about? Why was I agitated even after an apology. Why did I need an apology? Why did I need someone else to make life ok for me. I started wanting to find how I could make myself feel satisfaction within myself regardless of what was happening around me. I felt like I was on this old autopilot of drinking to try to cover things up. I knew it was wrong, so I didn’t, but the feeling is still there. It is scary.There were people close to me in my life that told me I needed to get help. While they were just being mean, they were right in a way. The problem was, I was getting help! I was seeing a psychiatrist and going to meetings. Well, sort of. I wasn’t consistent. I am never consistent. That was my problem. Can you be consistently inconsistent? How do I fix myself? How do I “get help.” What is it that I need to get help with.
At a vendor show I met a girl who talked to me about doing an Arbonne cleanse. I was drug free, that is ridiculous. After reading what and why people cleanse and eat “clean” I was starting to bend. I became aware of what I ate. My food groups are sugar, butter, cheese and bread. Yep, time for a change. To me, it makes sense for things to be natural and with less time from farm to table. It just makes sense to eat food that has nutritional value. It seems simple that you would want to put good things in so that you feel better. I have never had a weight issue. I seem to have pretty great metabolism, except I always have stomach issues. I am never hungry,never. I eat when something sounds yum. The problem is that all that sounded good was sugar. I drank too much coffee because it was just a vehicle for the creamer. I was ALWAYS tired, yet I slept from 8ish pm to 7am. I couldn’t hold my eyes open! I took 4 Benadryl a night to get that way, but if I took any less I couldn’t get to sleep. My mind just goes. I was just sludging through. I realized I could not live on cupcakes alone. I tried, you can’t. What to do? How do I fix me?
I know my mental, emotional and physical health are all connected. All in the same body and you can’t except one to heal without the other. (This is just me talking, no medical opinion here.) How do I find the real me? Who is the real me? I don’t want to deny myself enjoyment, but I don;t want to be addicted again. Once an addict, always an addict. It doesn’t go away. I have to be aware. I was aware. All I wanted to eat was bad for me. I did zero real fitness. (Chasing the baby does not count and neither does fishing.) My whole way of life was unhealthy. I had fooled myself into thinking I was because I was sober and didn’t smoke. I drank lots of water, too. It takes more than that. I want to be my best self so that I can truly give my best to God. Are you really giving your best if you aren’t as healthy as you can be? Are you in His will if you can’t even take care of the temple He gave you? Now, this is me talking to me. I couldn’t just exist anymore. I had plateaued. The devil lives there. He waits there to pull you back down. You have to always be climbing.
I started the cleanse 7 days ago. I started running 5 days ago. I know I this is a lifelong process. It is a process that requires consistency. I know I have to hurl myself into it. I have to change my whole mindset. I have to basically reprogram myself. I want to be my best self. I think, to truly be your best self, you have to be as healthy as possible. Now, this could all be debated, but for me I am going to do what is right to me after researching. One thing is for sure, I have been told by multiple experts to eat(healthy or really just at all, real food, not cupcakes), exercise to release natural “happy” endorphins in my brain in order to be alert. This is Biblical.
The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. 1Peter 4:7
Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8
19Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? 20For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body. 1 Cortinthians 6:19
I am certainly not here to preach or condemn. I spent over a decade abusing drugs and alcohol. I have never taken care of my temple or been alert. This has really become apparent to me, as of late. I want to be conscious of what I put in or on my body. The better I treat my temple, the better I will feel and the better I feel, the better I will be able to serve.
I do not intend to become a fanatic. I do tend towards the “all or nothing stand point.” I have an extremely hard time with moderation. Pretty much, I have 0 success with this. That doesn’t mean I can’t work towards it. I can’t, HE can!
So, how am I doing this? What am I eating? Food that is nutritious and gives me fuel! I am exercising! I am loving listening to praise music while running/walking. It is amazing to connect with God in this way. It is my time to just talk to Him without any distractions. After only 4 days I can tell you there is a difference! I think the focus on a less processed diet coupled with the wonderful Arbonne product line to assist, are what have truly changed me in just a week. The goal is to be as pure as possible.So, I start with things I can physically control because it is easiest when I can touch and see them, the obvious is food and medicine.
I have also begun using essential oils.Amazing. I am truly blown away how they have helped in such a short time. I am so excited to see how my quality of living improves with all the changed I have implemented. I want to be completely in control of me! I don’t want to crave/need ANYTHING outside of God. Nothing. If I want to feel better, it is up to me to get there. DAILY! This is a journey, not a destination. It has blown me away at how quickly these natural oils have done more in a couple of weeks than the synthetic medicines have done in years. I try medication after medication to try to find the right balance. I am really starting to believe that the answer to mental health issues lies within these oils and my own natural desire to be better. Now, don’t get me wrong, modern medicine is the reason I am alive because Vivi’s birth was so damaging to me and her, but I do feel there needs a balance. However, push to be there best you that there could ever be! I am a distributor of Young Living Oils and am excited to share my journey with you! Check out our website, www.theoilery.net! Message me with questions! I probably won’t ave the answer just yet, but I will find the answer!
I am going to hold myself accountable by writing. Please let m know if you would like prayerful support or any other type of support! My passion is in helping others see and experience God’s love the way I do! The way I see it is, you wouldn’t go to war without your gear, shield and sword, so see life that way. What can you do to prepare? It is only a matter of when, not if, so be ready and alert!