I have heard the phrase, ‘Don’t let your past define you.’ Honestly, it does. What else would define you? What I think is the better way to say that is to not let your past stop you, yet use it to propel you. You are what you have done, but you have many opportunities ahead to do things. If you allow your past to stop you from becoming the person you can be, that is the real issue. This is only not true, if you are dead. Pretty sure dead people aren’t reading my posts, but hey, I don’t know.
This is the last day of 2014. Tomorrow is a whole new year. I am excited to see what 2015 has in store for me. 2014 was a jam-packed year of lots of good and some bad. I look back now and figure out what I want to do with what I have accomplished and where I want to go now with it.
I started the year with a barely 1-year-old and now I end it with a barely 2-year-old. That little person brings me so much joy. Being a mom is such an amazing thing. It is something you can truly never be ready for! It is awesome to watch her become a big personality. She has so many words and is extremely “busy.” It is a new adventure each day and I love seeing the world through her eyes. I love the joy she brings to life.
I feel like I have become my own fisherman. It is my joy now, not just because my husband loves it, but because I love it. He cultivated a love for the tug in me. It is our perfect place to be. We started the year living on a lake. It was awful. Vivi wanted to go to the lake and get in only to realize she didn’t want to be in there. I also had 2 other furry children who got filthy in the process! I had to get used to Travis being gone every other night since he got on with the fire department here in Tallahassee. That was a huge blessing and we are so grateful for this life change. However, it is just that, a lifestyle change. I thought I wouldn’t have any real issue with it because he has always worked shift work, this is different. We also have a child now. She is growing up with him as a firefighter so she won’t know any different. It has been a full year since he started and I am adjusting.
This is the first year I really worked to find the “real Vanessa.” I found out I was pregnant with Vivienne 3 months after getting sober. Then after the 9 months I had a newborn! (That is kinda how that works.) I was so focused on being her mother and caring for her, that I didn’t really learn about who I am without alcohol. 2014 has done that for me. Who am I? I am multi-faceted. I wanted desperately to be the kind of person who works one job and then retires. I am not that person. My consistency is found in doing different things. I like working for myself, writing and being a wife & mother. I find peace in having multiple careers. Some of them aren’t making money yet, but they will. I am proud of myself for doing the same thing for am extended period of time.
I am a writer, merchandiser, Realtor, administrative assistant and most importantly a firefighter wife, mother and volunteer. I am a contributing member of society! That is huge for me! I help people. I love that. I know that if I just keep at it, they will pay off monetarily soon. I am not happy sitting behind the same desk for 8 hours a day. It just isn’t me. I tried teaching full-time, which is also not me. I love being a mom and sharing my love for creating with my creation. I love having the time to be artistic and creative in my careers. I love meeting the new people from my different careers as well.
We moved to the suburbs around the corner from my parents half way through the year. I LOVE it. I love being close to the best people I know. I love sharing Vivienne with them. I love that she gets to have the love of the best grandparents in the world often. I am so grateful to have the support and help, especially with my husband’s career. I am a proud wife, that he puts his life on the line to help his community. We have both found ways to be the people we want to be. We are still happily married after some deep struggle. Becoming me, affected him. I am a completely different person than I was when we met 5+ years ago. While it is for the better, it was still hard. We had to learn each other all over again. Imagine the person you knew changing completely and unexpectedly. I think he has really done pretty well, all things considered. I feel like he knew me from day one, well he saw the real Vanessa, even before I could. It was almost like a birth, painful and difficult, but totally worth it. Weird analogy, but it totally works. My body changed SO much when I was pregnant, I gained 75 pounds for goodness sake! Now, I lost the weight, but m body is just now getting back to what it was before I had her. 2 years later!! I feel like that is what we went through. We are not a perfect couple, no one is, but we are perfect for each other. I believe that. I am so grateful to have a life partner who is also my best friend. Sappy, ew gross.
Now, if you know me, you know this wasn’t the easiest year, but it has been my favorite so far! I am learning about my recovery and what is best for me. I feel like I am finally settling into a routine I enjoy. I am so ridiculously busy, but that is what I love. Oh! I also joined the Junior League here in Tallahassee. That has been such a joy. I have met and made friends with women I would not have met any other way and that not only has blessed me, but given me motivation to help bless others.
In July, I joined Chloe & Isabel as a merchandiser. That is one reason my writing slowed down. I am glad I am able to find a balance now. I love this career. I have long loved fashion, better yet, style. I was told many years ago that my style is like art. I love that. I love dressing each day and putting on my art! I have met some awesome women in direct sales. It is a great community I urge you to get to know. I love supporting the women and families I know! Take a look at my site, www.chloeandisabelbyvanessa.com, to see why I love this jewelry! I also got my real estate license. I have yet to sell a house and the schedule was much more complicated than I initially thought. However, I did not give up! I am starting the new year as an assistant to a wonderful Realtor at my firm. That is very exciting. It is awesome that I found another route instead of giving up when things became hard. That is progress! While I may not sell many houses in this beginning, I will find a way to make it worth it. Having a toddler and being a firefighter wife makes that kind of career challenging, but I will find a way.
Looking forward, how do I want to use what I have done and learned going into this new year? My goal is to maintain and grow in what I started. I think I am the type of person who does more than one career. In 2015, I want to work on finding the right balance. I pride myself on efficiency and organization. I believe I can continue and I will see success soon. Really, if I could just remember all my passwords, that would save so much time. (Joke folks.) I have to work on being in each moment. I need to enjoy each career and what they bring me.
A big goal for me is to become a healthy living person. I have to be aware of what fuel I use (food) to energize me throughout my busy days. I have to work on fitness and using God’s intended ways of relaxation and releasing my happy! I am working on going back to how God intended us to eat and live. I love life and want to be able to enjoy it to the fullest. So, like everyone else, I want to be more fit physically, emotionally and mentally in 2015. I believe they are all tied together. So I am taking a holistic approach to living. I can’t become truly emotionally fit without paying attention to my physical fitness. I believe that 2015 will be where all the things I started, come together and begin working together to make the best possible me! I can’t wait to share this journey with you!