Hurry Up and Wait

Facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedinrssyoutubeinstagrammail
I am the LEAST patient person in the world, ever. Really. I blame it on my anxiety because everything in my mind happens super fast. My brain works at warp speed. That is one of the main reasons I used; to get it to slow down or stop all together. Now that I am sober, part of me feels like I need to make up for that “lost time.” I am figuring out that it was lost. It made me. I have to learn from it. I kept thinking that I need a career to prove that I am not this loser that I used to be. I know now that I don’t have to prove to anyone, anything. I just have to do what I have prayed about and what keeps me sober. So many exciting things are happening in the Fletcher household.  I am growing.  God is molding me. First, I needed to be broken of your pride. That took about 2 years after my sobriety date. Now, I’m ready for God to guide me. What is His plan. Well, let’s face it, mine is clearly not working. Back to the basics.  To me, that means taking the spotlight off of me and focusing on others. This is because I learned something very important,  it’s not about me.

Helping iron at a charity event! (I learned about starch.)

Helping iron at a charity event! (I learned about starch.)

Here is a summarized update of my little world:I have updated all my technological devices. That meant A LOT of learning. I changed from a MAC to an Android world. (I see the pros and cons of both, so no preaching!) I am of the mind that if you don’t know, ask. So far, it is going well! I love my new set up! The picture loading is what is completely different. I am proud of myself for switching over everything and getting it so quickly! Hey, I celebrate the small victories! I am excited to be writing for several fishing magazines! So many positive things are happening with writing! It is encouraging, especially since I have been at it for such a short time. I love being able to tell a story through pictures and words. It is so amazing to be creative again, after years of losing myself to drinking. The only bad thing is, no one is paying me to write…yet! It doesn’t matter because I love it! God is opening doors in that are very exciting!

Yeah, you will hear more about this catch!

Yeah, you will hear more about this catch!

We are also getting used to the firefighter schedule. I am basically a single mom every 48 hours. Travis has always worked shift work so it isn’t completely foreign to me. It is more new for Vivienne. She is old enough at 16 months to really miss him. She has been coming out of her room at bedtime (while resisting sleep) and saying, “Da-da.” When he comes home from a 24 hour shift at night she gets super excited. He gets off at 6ish so it is kinda bad timing. She will make herself stay up late just to be with him, which is really sweet, but not good for her schedule. She is a teeny weeny bit dramatic (Wha? My kid?) So she needs a schedule and her sleep.  We will get it figured out and she will get used to it! He is so happy and SO great at being  a firefighter/first responder!  It’s all worth it! God provides.  He provided the perfect career for him in his timing! It stinks a little when daddy isn’t there for Easter day, but we celebrate other days! We modify our lives for him.  It all works!

Her 1st Easter Egg Hunt thanks to Uncle Daniel!

Her 1st Easter Egg Hunt thanks to Uncle Daniel!

So! Between the new equipment and getting in the swing of things being a firefighter wife, I have neglected my posts! Vivienne can push bedtime until late, almost 8pm! We have tried to get to the water as often as possible. I have also been looking for a “day job.” I probably shouldn’t say that, I realize it makes me sound like a stripper. (Never done that Mom, don’t worry.) I have looked for something for a consistent pay check. My dream, writing, will still be pursued! I now have a direction! That is awesome! I have never had clear direction like this before! It is amazing. I was always so envious of people who dreamt about their careers since childhood. I wanted to be a veterinarian (because I liked animals) and a singer/actress (let’s be real…I would still do that.) Now, after sobriety happened, I just desire to find joy in each day and to end the day sober. It sounds simple and boring, but it is so satisfying because I reach that goal daily. I reach that goal because I am filled with love that is greater than me. I also get the fish every now and then. If you don’t know about fishing yet, keep reading my blog. I will clue you in to the wonders that live below the surface.

I am always ready for the lights and stage again! A throwback to me with my little brother!

I am always ready for the lights and stage again! A throwback to me with my little brother!

So, while I put my résumé out there and let God do the rest, I will smile because God has a plan. I know that this blog helps others. That is amazing. I struggle. I cry. When I got denied a job I was sure I had for a reason I still don’t know, I felt defeated. I didn’t drink, because what would that do? Nothing, but make everything worse. Travis took me out to eat and cheered me up! I went to a meeting and talked about it. Addiction is a sneaky, dirty disease. It preys on you at your weakest. That is why you need more than yourself  to get through the hard times. I have family, friends, group and my church family that is praying for me constantly. I know that there are people I can reach out to in my times of need. Taking a sip of alcohol would be like putting a dagger to my heart. It has to be taken that seriously. I do. Well, that escalated quickly….IMG_28205364873732
While I wait for my day job, I continue to do the things I know keep me sober. I am completely happy about where I amright now! I am happy because I am happy with who I am.

Be happy in the moment! ( This was a catfish only trip...still happy! )

Be happy in the moment! ( This was a catfish only trip…still happy! )

Facebooktwittergoogle_pluspinterestlinkedinrssyoutubeinstagrammail

2 thoughts on “Hurry Up and Wait

Leave a Reply