First of all, I truly believe everyone has some sort of addiction, something they obsess over, something they are irrational about. My addiction just happens to try to kill me. I am not saying everyone is chemically addicted like me, or other drug addicts. However, your addiction can be just as scary sometimes. Some people are workaholics. Some are addicted to fishing. Some are addicted to houses. (This is my Mother-in-law. Her heart literally starts to race when we look at them.Anyone who knows her knows this about her. I am not telling any secret. I seriously think she should be a realtor.Also, she is awesome.) My husband is the same way about boats. Some people over/under eat. Some people get obsessed with video games. You can get addicted to anything, really. Sometimes, it can be innocent. Sometimes people can manage their addictions in a hobby form. It is all about balance. I had NO balance when I was drinking. Even when I smoked ciggarettes I would alter my schedule to smoke. I would spend money I didn’t have on things I didn’t need or really even want. What my point is, is that you can sometimes relate, even if you aren’t an alcoholic. No, you aren’t on the same scale as me. Don’t worry. Just trying to help you with a little perspective.
What saves me is the details. What keeps me sane is the little things. The little things that I notice now that I am not controlled by anything, but me. Of course, this is all because of Christ who saved me. The details are by his design. When I finally came out of my haze after my sobriety date, I was amazed. Amazed at what the world had to offer. I use to be the party girl. I always wanted to have a good time. I was missing where I was and what was really happening because I was concerned about the drink I needed. Not wanted, needed. Now, I see where I am. I notice the details. I get to focus on my company. I get to taste and truly savor the food. I get to observe the people and scenery around me. I feel things. I have no ulterior motive. I am not plotting some way to get what I want.
That’s the thing. My addiction made everything about me. I was completely self-centered. Nothing mattered except my next drink. (Insert what is taking your details away.) The phrase, “stop and smell the roses.” I get it. I take pictures of the flowers I see now because I notice the amazing detail. Nature is on a whole new level now. God is the ultimatum artist. I am never ceased to be amazed by the sunset on the lake that we are blessed to live for now. Everyday it is painted with a multitude of colors only God could imagine. I feel like I am noticing the moments with my child more now, too. Everything happens so quickly with her. I sometimes want to just pause a moment. I am grateful that I am fully aware though. My mind is with her, in that exact moment. It isn’t thinking about anything else.
It is the little things that I love. Nothing dulls those moments. I will be able to remember those details now. I appreciate things in a way I wouldn’t have ever been able to when I was practicing my addiction. NOthing is in the way of my time with my family. I appreciate my nephew’s quirky ways more and have can respond back to his questions with excitement. I hear my sweet neice’s voice as she whispers to my daughter. I have time to talk with my dad about all the things he knows. I get to laugh with my mom who will always be my best girl friend. I was missing those details when I was consumed with my addiction.
Just because Jesus forgave me and forgot my sins, does not mean the Devil ever will. I know the Devil is cunning and is waiting for the right time to remind me of exactly who I was and what I did. I have to keep focused on the details of God’s love. God gives me the little things to hold on to. I think that God is in the details. The Devil just wants you to gloss over it all. Think about your past or the good time you will have. Don’t think about the consequences, the people you will hurt or the other things that will go wrong. God gives you soft puppy tails, baby laughs, tangy coconut key lime cupcakes, sand between your toes, fireflies and the details that are indescribably amazing. The little moments that make up a beautiful life. The moments that could be missed if you are not allowing God control.