I know everyone must struggle with maintaining a balance in their life. Becoming a mother brought on a whole new dimension I could never fathom pre-child. I am not sure if it is society or what, that made me feel almost guilty for wanting to have a life out side of my child’s. I knew for my sobriety’s sake, I had to. I was 3 months sober when I found out I was pregnant with Vivienne. I knew I had to keep my own goals and my own desires separate from her as well. I couldn’t become obsessed with her as I had with alcohol. I couldn’t be addicted to my baby. It had to be healthy. I had always wanted to continue working. I enjoy working. I helps me stay sober. I enjoy doing a job well. Then fishing as my main passion outside of work adds a whole other layer to this difficult juggling act. Sometimes the balancing of it all is what brings the stress, but I know, it would be far worse if I had nothing to balance.
I miss Vivienne every moment I am away from her. However, I need moments away from her. She needs moments away from me. She needs to grow and learn from other people. I also need time to be with my husband to make sure our relationship is strong. We have to continuously work on our relationship or it will fail. Marriage is work! Hard work. (That is a whole other post.) I chose to fall in love with fishing, so that we can spend time together doing what we both love. I can’t wait to share that with my daughter as well! I also know that Vivienne makes people smile. I share that with others. Sometimes I have to turn “Vivienne watching” offers down because I miss her! She is a pretty cool little kid. She makes you feel special… I digress.
Balance: chosing football or fishing on the weekend because when you have a kid, you can’t do both. You have to be selfish sometimes and sometimes think of others. I make sure Vivienne’s needs are always being met. Always. I am not perfect at this balance, but I feel like it is getting a little easier. Sometimes we look longingly at the lake and wish we were on it but then we snap back and focus on our priority. Our crazy, wild Viv. I look at pictures of people’s fish in jealousy, but I know the memories I am making with my angel I will cherish forever. Timing is a big part of balance.
You have to do what is right for you and your family. I love giving back and volunteering. I also have meetings to go to for my sobriety. Also, there is church and those functions. There really aren’t enough hours in the day. I love reading and I started a book club (for non-drinkers, at least while they are at book club) so I am reading those books now. I am working to excel in my career, too. I really feel defeated sometimes at the end of the day because there just wasn’t enough time! Every day, I get Vivi and we play outside most days because she loves it so much and the puppies love it, too! I cherish each moment with her. Sometimes I feel like I just want to stay home with her and love on her all day, but she would really be mad at me! She loves school! I also feel like it is helping her become balanced.
Some weekends look different. This Sunday we made it to both church and Sunday School. Sometimes, we just make it to worship. Sometimes we don’t make it at all and are on the water. Sometimes we spend the day together hanging out as a family. I think as time passes we learn what our family needs. Be flexible. We get better at understanding how to prioritize. Church is a main priority, but church doesn’t just happen on Sundays. There are other services you can go to, but making it a priority is SO important with children and for you (me.) I feel the same way about volunteering with non-profits. It is all time though. You have to balance.
I am not the master or professional at balancing. I drop all the balls sometimes. I need help from my partner in my life, my husband. My family is also great at helping. They love Vivienne and us. They are a big part of our life. Our church family is as well. You can’t go it alone. Don’t be scared to ask. People understand need/ wanting help. No one is perfect. in fact, it would be very annoying if you were. Balance takes time. This is also just my life. It works pretty well for me. Find your fishing. Find your balance. Don’t forget the most important part though, if you aren’t balanced you can’t help anyone else. I often think about that thing flight attendants tell you. Put your mask on first, before others. You won’t do much good if you are dead.
*Side note: I used the word “also” a bazillion times. Just go with it. It was a crazy weekend! You get the point.